I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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