he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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