i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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