Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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