Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
