I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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