i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
