Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
