I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
