he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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