A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i already hear my dad disowning me
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
