she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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