wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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