$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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