I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
