I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
sarcasm needs its own font
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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