i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
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It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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