well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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