So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
