its not stalking. its research.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
