You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
