I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
