We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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