I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
