Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
It all started with a game of naked twister.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
