I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
