its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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