Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
