Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
