i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
