So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
and she was petting her beer can
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
