I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
