My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
