we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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