It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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