ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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