HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
