Where did you get a picture of my penis
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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