I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i believe in u and ur pee
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize