well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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