i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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