Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
