IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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