I heard we made out
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
