the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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