Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Hippo gnu deer
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
