she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
