So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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