i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
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