why didn't you poke me back
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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