I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I think my moral compass just broke
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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