I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
