Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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