I wanna bring you to show and tell
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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