Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
