I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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