that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
