There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I want to fling myself into the sun
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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