Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
