I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
