I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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