her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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