i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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