I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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