I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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