I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
