3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
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