One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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