Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
