You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i drank out of a bidet.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
