When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
