Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
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remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
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Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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