I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
