I wish I could punch you in the face.
I wish I only lived at night.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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