Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
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I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
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Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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