You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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