youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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