So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Less talking, more tequila
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize