omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Randomize
