So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
