if i died would you start the facebook group?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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