I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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